Stopping Your Inhibition- Kony 2012

Please! Just watch this above video!!!


What just happened there? You took a moment to think about what you were just asked to do. Your eyes went up the rectangular play button as you gave the thumbnail picture a once over. You instantly doubted the words of a stranger asking you to click on a link. You don't like being bossed around, or suckered into what might be a scam or silly trick. And yet you're still reading this, trying to get more information, trying to decide whether or not to watch the above video.

If you're anything like me, and 99% of the rest of the world, you still haven't watched the video (if you're the 1%, then hats off to you). Why should you, after all? You know nothing about it, and chances are you stumbled onto this page completely on accident. Google Images probably brought you here. But I'm asking you to stay just a while longer. A part of you is still curious, still willing to listen.

We've all dealt with inhibition before: the moment of decision, of weighing pros against cons, of evaluating the risks and benefits of any given situation. It took me about twenty minutes to decide whether to take a chunk out of my night today to write this, if it was worth it to come back to my blog after a month or two of inactivity. But if even one person, out of all the readers who happens upon this (it could be you!), decides to take a leap of faith and watch the video, then it will all be worth it to me. In all seriousness, just do it. Just watch the first few minutes of the video so you know what I'm talking about. You made it this far, so I'll even provide another link HERE. Come back after you know a bit more about what I'm talking about.

Kony needs to be stopped. There is no doubt about that, and I'm sure 99% of you people out there agree with me. But why is it that this conflict has dragged out for so long? It's inhibition. We watch a video, feel sad and enraged, experience a twinge of guilt, decide mentally to contribute... and then what? We go about our day. Our inhibition takes over. It's an automatic process, as we start to weigh the value of the effort needed to DO something. I'll be the first to admit the irony of my situation, but it's something that everyone deals with.

Inhibition prevents things from being done. In a world dominated by Facebook and the internet, why not use that to our advantage? Don't think about what your friends and family will think when they see that you've shared another "chain" link as your status. Don't check to see what the thumbnail will be, and what others will think about you posting it. Don't stop to contemplate whether or not you'll get enough "likes" or comments to make your effort worth it. See? You're inhibiting yourself now.

Until there is instant communication between people and nations, ignorance is the real threat. I only learned about the Invisible Children organization a few months ago, by chance, when our school had an assembly about the conflict in Uganda. There are more than 300 million people in the United States. If everyone knew about Joseph Kony, he would be arrested in a heartbeat for his unimaginable crimes. You are now one less person who has not heard the word. The beauty of "Kony 2012" is that like anything else on the internet, it has the potential to go viral. But let's make it happen.

I'm scrolling through my Facebook feed right now after sharing the Kony 2012 video. I don't care that I've gotten only one "like" since I posted it. What's cool is that I see three more of my friends donating their status to the cause. I scroll down in my history and see others that posted/shared the message even before I did. It's hard to trace it to just one of my friends, but I know it's because of Facebook that I'm writing this post right now. Unlike other chain statuses, I truly hope this doesn't die for a while. Here is one of my friends' awesome, inspiring, summarizing words after sharing the video: (his exact status) This dude Kony is seriously a piece of shit.

Be encouraged by small acts

Tumbling, scrambling, clawing, lunging, heaving, floating, tugged, dragged through Life. It's small acts that keep you grounded. Little things that prevent you from being washed away entirely by the rushing torrent. When kindness springs on you, it's like a breath of sweet air, a comforting sigh, a moment of resurgence that keeps you going. How often have you been ready to quit, to throw your hands up in despair, to bury your tears in your pillow, only to be encouraged by a random stranger, uplifted by a smile or hand on the shoulder? The simple acknowledgement of your struggle, effort, time, pain... a subtle hint of congratulation... the moment of empathy... the bursting of approval... the emergence of support and loyalty...  somehow these moments make it all worth it. Those are the moments to live for.

How small a piece of kindness it takes to wipe away a gray sky from your day! How spontaneous and effortless, compared to a whole day of drudgery. It's all it takes to cheer your mood and make you smile when everything has gone wrong. No, not necessarily gone wrong, but gone into routine. Day after day of work or struggle, the same events, the same thoughts... School for one quickly becomes a monotone of action and reaction and class and homework, but never forget to look for the small miracles- a compliment from a friend, a word of praise from your teacher, a simple second of eye contact from a complete stranger. You have to watch out for them, small flashes of silvery scales in the water, mullets darting by and daring you to reach out and catch them.

Three words were all it took for me to be reinvigorated with my writing, my imagination today. Thank you, stranger, for caring, for proving to me that it's all worth it, for reassuring me that my words aren't going to waste. Because life never should be- it's the little things that prove that.

VERSE- Discarding Worry

Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's easy to get caught up in the flurry of activity that happens each and every day. It's easy to lose track of the hours, the days, the weeks as you keep looking ahead. Sometimes it's out of fear or dread- a midterm to study for, a paper or project that needs to be finished, an interview to prepare for. Sometimes it's out of anticipation or longing- looking forward to the next break from school just as one finishes (I've been guilty of that). This verse always helps me to calm down, to slow down my thoughts and instincts to plan ahead, and instead to see the beauty in each and every new day.

I think as a whole, teens are more versed with stress than any other age group, especially in the variety of things that stress us out and the way they always build off each other. It's a very vulnerable stage to pile on so many responsibilities, expectations, relationships, fears, hopes, dreams, and changes. During my junior year I felt like I was constantly drowning in things to do- SAT prep, AP courses, clubs, music, sports- and yet I always wanted to take that "break-" a night to go out with the guys, a weekend to relax and catch up on sleep, a movie with the family. Add procrastination to the mix and I was a wreck many nights during the week. I would stay up past midnight, feeling guilty about losing sleep but also wondering if I could be any more productive. During showers I mentally ran through a list of "Things to Worry About," which added my own expectations and goals on top of my homework and extracurriculars. I would wake up each morning feeling stressed, as if I was always forgetting something, wondering what the day would bring, how I would survive to the next weekend, which sometimes were even more loaded with activities and responsibilities than the weekdays. It definitely wasn't a good feeling.

I wish I realized then the futility of always anticipating the future, of worrying about tomorrow even before it happens. It multiplied my fears and stress levels when in fact each school day was very manageable. The problem was that I put the weight of the entire week onto one school night. And if you're still in high school, here's a tip that I picked up: the next time you look down in your planner and just groan at the amount of STUFF you have to do, banish all negative thoughts from your mind. Stop thinking that it'll "take you forever" or that "you have sooo much to do," or that you're the "unluckiest and busiest person in the world," or that "my life sucks right now." Seriously, just don't do that. It's a rather annoying mechanism of the mind, but one that I find just makes the situation worse. You'd be surprised how much you exaggerate your own misfortunes. Say you do a school sport and get home after a game, eat dinner, and it's 7:30 pm. You have an average of four and a half HOURS before midnight (sometimes more, sometimes less). If you actually truly think about what you have to get done, often it doesn't take as long as you think (or fear) it will. The dread and apprehension clouds your mind and makes the horror a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tell yourself that you have plenty of time and that you'll be fine. Finish up the day's work and breathe a sigh of relief.

That's why Matthew 6:34 was and is so important to me. There's no use in worrying about tomorrow if you don't even know what tomorrow is going to bring. What's the use of planning the rest of your life, for example, if the world's just going to end in 2012? The point is to surrender your life to God. Once you do, you realize how meaningless certain pressures in your life become. To an extent, God's not going to care what you get on that chem test, or how well you hold up on your job, or how "overachieving" your activities compared to others. He DOES care about how much faith and trust you can place in him. The story from Mark 12:41-44 reassures me, about the poor widow who put in two copper coins, which was all she had. She probably wasn't worrying about tomorrow or how she would feed herself the next day when she gave her offering. And if she could do that, place tomorrow's anxieties into God's caring hands, with basically her entire life on the line, you can certainly start to do that as well.

Take your life one day at a time. Trust God and allow him to lift some of the burdens in your life right now. Remember Matthew 6:34 whenever you are up late at night, worrying about tomorrow and whether or not you should go to sleep or work some more. Remember, God doesn't want you to live in constant worry or anxiety. That's how you get gray hair and wrinkles. Seek God and then go to bed easy, knowing He will definitely take care of you.

The Hunger Games (Suppressing Reality)

We've all suppressed reality before, one way or another- a gripping movie, a book you can't put down, a musical that moves you to tears, a TV show that pulls you in. You lose sight of reality for a moment, even if just for an instant, that makes you doubt the world you're in. It's a strange feeling, emerging from that sort of experience: shaken, unnerved, restless. You see the real world slightly differently as you come back into it, hesitantly easing back into your daily routine. Missing the world you were enveloped in but having conflicting views about the one you're in. It really makes you think. And wonder. And live.

The reason I'm writing this is I just finished reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, the first book in a trilogy that is a real mixture of genres. It came on very high recommendation from my friends and I am glad to pass that on. It's a superb book takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, so there's a degree of sci-fi in it, but the main character is situated in a poor, starving distract that retains village atmosphere with miners, hunters, butchers, bakers, and the sort. As the title may hint at, there is an incredible amount of action, adventure, and suspense, as well as a lot of other elements, but I refuse to give anything away because it would take away slightly from the experience. I have to admit that I haven't been able to pick up many books for pleasure-reading since high school and all the required readings for English, but The Hunger Games was completely and utterly worth it. It reads in a very young-adult style, but that's what I love most so I'm ranking it way up there with Ender's Game (more sci-fi) and Eragon (more fantasy) and the Pendragon Series (more questy).

Even the posters for The Hunger Games are awesome...

Go read! Enjoying Suzanne Collins' genius and brilliant craft has made me miss the days I read fantasy and young adult books like crazy. And it's such a different experience from a good movie, though I'll never pass  up the likes of Inception and Sherlock Holmes. People who read epic series like Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings in novel form first in addition to watching movies can attest to the differences in feel and emotion that books and film adaptations bring. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 blew me away in a completely different way than it did when the book released in the summer of 2007. One experience was spent sitting on my bed, eyes riveted to the pages, ignoring my mom's call to go to sleep, constantly checking the pages to see how many were left, totally captivated by the story and wishing I could go to school in Hogwarts, while amazed by J.K. Rowling but still mad at her for killing off my favorite characters. The other was spent at the theater, with friends (some crying), trying hard not to tear up myself, trying hard not not to tear up because it was the last film, wondering if the end really meant the end of my childhood, laughing at the ridiculousness of Voldemort hugging Malfoy, still mad at J.K. Rowling for having Dumbledore and Snape and Fred die but having forgiven her slightly as I've gotten older and understood the need for loss.

So yeah, I literally finished reading The Hunger Games about an hour ago and I've only slightly gotten over the stupor of its incredibleness (though it's more than a pleasant read, there are still some feelings deep down that I can't exactly place). It's unsettling how fast reality sucks you back in though. I still have homework to do, parents to deal with, responsibilities to accomplish. It was such a nice read and break from all that. I don't think anyone can live without entertainment and the thrill of stopping to invest time and energy and emotion into a good book or a good movie. It sticks with you. And the best part for me right now, is that I still have the second and third books to look forward to, to live with the characters and pretend I'm in their world. That's one advantage books still have over films- the duration and pace of the plot is entirely up to you. But I still love the moment when you finish a book and it's concluded, even if it is the first book in a trilogy. A sense completion, a sigh of relief, the feeling you get after just finishing a delicious meal AND an ice cream sundae. My emotions were being played by Suzanne Collins, as I knew they were, especially in the end. My heart was still thumping and my mind was in a whirl. There were elements of the book that I hung on to, other elements that I marveled at, some that made me inexplicably sad, some that made me enamored, others that made me question the world. In short, it was a good novel. I really, really hope the movie (to be released March 23rd) lives up to the book. The trailer below also has phenomenal music, which is a promising start.

Happy New Years Eve!

Wow. It's that time of year again- a day for everyone to go crazy and think of more and more elaborate ways to celebrate the coming of a new year. It's been a pretty good year, and like everyone else, I'm thinking ahead to this next year and all the things I want to do. My opinion on New Years resolutions? They can be good and bad. On the one hand they can really inspire people to start over with a "clean slate," to have a fresh start, to get rid of old habits and start new ones. On the other hand, it implies that New Years is the only time you can do that. I think every day should be cherished like New Years- every morning you wake up is another chance to start over, to live your life. But regardless, I'm still happy it's being celebrated all over the world.

The other side of the world is 12 hours ahead of us... they're already 4 hours into 2012. The picture above is one of Taipei 101. Needless to say, they celebrated by blowing a lot of stuff up. And Sydney, Australia? They're pros at this kind of stuff. People look forward every year to the new spectacles that Sydney Opera House will bring.

I guess this time of the year always brings need for a little reminiscing as well. A whole year's of memories can come crashing down on you if you just delve back into the past a little. It's a bit weird for teens, seeing as how we chronicle our lives in school years and the start of each new grade, but I can still remember last year's January 1st and New Year's Eve, the feeling of going back to school, the amount of snow still on the ground, waiting for February break to come... Anyways, I'm looking forward to tonight because I'll be spending time with friends and then later, after all the celebrating is over, spending some time in thought, reflection, and anticipation of the new year.

Enjoy New Years! Here's some premature celebration, but still pretty cool to watch. Handy if there aren't any midnight firework shows being planned around your area.

WEEKLY CHALLENGE #11

It's awesome how my "weekly challenges" aren't weekly at all. I should call it "sporadic challenges" instead. Answer the question or challenge and I'll write about a blog topic of your choice!

WEEKLY CHALLENGE #11
Songs have different uses. Some are meant to make you cry, some are meant to make you laugh, some are meant to be sung at the top of your lungs in the car with all the window cars down... I have very different playlists for when I'm doing the things I like and when I'm doing my homework. Inception music, for example, is always a good kick to get you started on problem number one of your math homework. But what about creative writing? I never listen to songs with lyrics when I want to do some serious writing because they would distract me. Primavera is a beautiful song that I listen to over and over again because it sets me in a relaxed, peaceful mood. Here, try it yourself.

-So, what's a good song to listen to when you want to do creative work?
-Email me at tomilkyway4@yahoo.com with any suggestions and blog topics!

The Christmas Story

Merry Christmas 2011 everyone!!

"But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.'" Luke 1:10. No matter how many times I go back to the bible and read about the birth of Jesus and the shepherds and the angels, it always strikes me as such a miracle. How miraculous was it that God actually sent his son to be born in the humblest of ways here on Earth! He came as the Savior for us all, and I think it's so amazing that people all over the world are celebrating the birth of Jesus right now. Not only are we celebrating Jesus' birthday, but we're also celebrating the salvation and love that he brought to Earth. It's not even a holiday limited to one country or one culture, but one for ALL the people. That's what I think makes Christmas stand out... it's not all the presents and Christmas trees and cookies, but the meaning of the day to people around the globe, who are celebrating in spite of hardships and financial difficulties. In the end, though, you're never too old or too knowledgeable to hear the Christmas story again. This retelling of the Christmas story by the children of St Paul's Church will make you smile.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays! There's something about the Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah season that warms the heart and lifts the spirit. It's something that is hard to pinpoint, but it lingers in the chilly December air around us. We have little reminders everywhere- small decorations in grocery stores, Christmas trees tied to the roofs of cars, holiday displays in stores, the surfacing of ugly holiday sweaters... people are excited. The year is coming to an end and people need a break from school and work. It's always a happy and eventful time of the year, but also one that is stressful. Go to the local mall and people are crowded in stores, waiting in lines, furiously shopping and preparing gifts. That nagging responsibility to buy gifts is stuck in the back of your mind. Sometimes it's good to just take a step back and smile, to appreciate all the winter holiday cheer without being buried in the stress.

The best part to the winter holidays is getting to spend some time with the family, though. With school over (thankfully), I can really take some time to just relax. The gifts and food are nice too, but it's important not to focus on them so much that you neglect the really important things in your life. Take a moment to really talk with your siblings. Watch a movie with your parents. Go out shopping with friends to spend time together with them and not necessarily to buy gifts. Though we're a bit lacking in snow in Syracuse this year, I still love the entire winter season and all the excitement leading up to New Year's. These are some of the best moments of the year, and I want to make sure I don't miss them. 

Bracelets to Change the World

I've always been a bracelet person. I like the individuality that comes with wearing something so simple and yet subtly noticeable. They're comfortable and not as bulky as watches. They come in just about every color and pattern. And for me, wearing a bracelet is like making a commitment- I always wear them for an extended period of time, for as long as I can. Whether it's one my friend made or one I bought one from some sort of fundraising event, I like to wear the bracelet until 1) it falls off from wear 2) I lose it 3) I'm forced to take it off during the school soccer season according to the rules of the New York State Public High School Athletic Association. (And even then I made sure to put it back on after the game).

I don't think I'll ever completely forget any of the bracelets I've worn during my life. Like songs, bracelets too can be tied to memories or certain periods of my life. Like the plain brown one I made at Sabattis Boy Scout Camp way back when, or the white-green-blue-black one I wore when my family went back to Taiwan to visit relatives, or the Salvation bracelet I made this past summer with my elementary small group at church. They looked something like this, and were especially meaningful to me because the colors explained and reminded me of my faith.

Other people certainly know what I'm talking about when I say I get attached to my bracelets. Some of my buddies on the soccer team never took off their bracelets or headbands during the season and taped them down instead, claiming that they were their "lucky bracelets" for all the games. There's also so many variations of the Livestrong bracelet out there that people seem to have their own personal version/combinations on their wrists at any given time.

The thing that really popularized Livestrong bracelets and just bracelets in general, I think, is the strong association they have with cause or mission. Livestrong bracelets were originally founded to raise funds for cancer, and have sold as many as 80 million individual bands so far. Other fundraisers consistently use bracelets as an eloquent and attractive way to make profit as well as spread popularity and awareness.

The one I'm wearing right now, pictured above , is a bracelet I bought at my church to help support a mission  trip to Guatemala. It's a constant reminder on my right wrist to pray for those less fortunate in the world and also for those who may not know God.

And the way I see it, bracelets have and will be a way to change the world. A few weeks ago, my school held an assembly to talk about the Invisible Children organization and showed the video Tony, a powerful documentary detailing the story of how young people across the nation have been rising up to help the children their age in northern Uganda. For years the area has been plagued by war, riveted with violence and child abduction led by Joseph Kony, leader of the Lord's Resistance Army that is responsible for much of the war. Invisible Children is a non-profit organization that is looking to raise funds to provide education and scholarships to students in Uganda, to improve village and refuge camp conditions, and to create global awareness to pass legislation and suppress some of the terrorist actions led by Joseph Kony. The bracelet campaign by Invisible Children as explained here is something truly motivating. It ties in everything there is to say about the situation in Africa, and makes the contribution that much more personal and memorable by including a story about a child in need.

After the assembly at my school and some time spent watching all the videos on the Invisible Children website, there's a profound emotion that's still pulling at me. 75% of you right now are reading this from somewhere in the U.S. Another 20% are from the United Kingdom or Canada. How many children in Africa do you think have access to the internet? How many in northern Uganda even have a safe home to return to? And I'm not saying we should just focus all our attention on Africa- there are so many parts of the world that are not as privileged as we are. They're not fortunate enough to have basic amenities or a place to stay. Half a million Americans are homeless right now. And yet all I'm doing right now to help them is typing on a computer screen, sitting in a chair and wondering how much of an impact words really have. We HAVE the resources to make things right in the world. All we lack is time and effort and commitment. Which is why I like the bracelet campaign so much, because having something to wear really reminds you and keeps you conscious of the things outside your own life. So could bracelets change the world? Maybe. But the awareness that they bring would be a pretty good start. 

Daft Hands - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

This song brings back memories of working out over the summer at LeMoyne college. Great song, but this person takes creativity to a whole other level. Seriously, who has time to think up something like this? Kudos to them I say, I was bored for the first 50 seconds but was smiling for the whole rest of the video.

Finding Your Identity in Life

I am here. The peak of my senior year, the youngest I will ever be for the rest of my life. So many possibilities and dreams before me, so many decisions and opportunities awaiting my first footsteps. I have 17 years of life, experience, and knowledge behind me, yet I wonder- how can one not be petrified to continue stepping into the vast unknown? I'm almost done travelling through this gigantic, dark underground tunnel we like to call high school. College is approaching, and I can almost feel the light on the other side. (Well, I don't actually give my high school enough credit- it may be a dark underground tunnel, but it's filled with flashing neon signs and all kinds of cool illuminated objects, floating memories, loud, pumping techno music, and the laughter of close friends).

It's been quite the journey- late nights laboring over homework, agonizing over questions in numerous textbooks, staring at a computer screen with sleep-deprived eyes for half the night to finish essays, trying to stay awake during class... and what has it all been for? To get into college. But now that that's said and done, what's to become of the rest of my life? I'm no longer swimming through a multitude of deadlines, projects, scholarships, homework, and obligations, so what becomes of my time?

I'm using it to find myself. For the past twelve years, school and grades have been such a large part of my identity, and for good reason, too- when you spend so much of your time and effort into one thing, it starts to  naturally become a part of you. We all have definitions of ourselves, definitions of our existences, and deep down, school has always been a part of it. I'm only now starting to realize the scope of my life that comes after school ends, my whole life ahead of me. School has done a great job in preparing me with an education, but the true test comes afterwards. It's during these next few decades that I'll really find my purpose and identity.

Let me explain further. I've always been a relatively competitive person, something that came about from being a top student in school and being around others who similarly worked hard to be the best. It was a contradicting side to me, because I don't like to be competitive and I hate the pressure that comes along with it. But I would naturally compare myself to others, to try to gauge my own merit, to have a piece of identity to tie myself to. Everyone does it, I think, but people have varying degrees of how they show it or deal with it internally. At any rate, I do it to feel secure in myself and my identity. I'll be the first to admit that I used it to rationalize failure as well... "Oh, I did worse on that test, but at least I'm still better at sports." We all play the game where we internally compare talents and traits to others, something that is extremely hard to refrain from when you have friends of similar talent and accomplishment. There's a fine line between admiration and jealousy, I've found, and it's hard to control which side of it you feel most, even if you can control which side of it you show. You congratulate your friend and shower them with compliments, but secretly you feel a bit sick to the stomach because they achieved something great and you didn't.

It's not the most positive topic to talk about, but it's something I feel the need to address because we all experience it. In the end, I think it's character that determines how you control your competitive nature. You might be bitter at first that your friend got the lead role in the play, but bitterness eventually gives way to joy for your friend- pure, untarnished joy for what they've done and accomplished. And there is hope because that too, is an inherent characteristic to humans in my opinion. And so comes the ultimate question- how do you control your jealousy in those types of situations? How can you be happy with yourself without worrying about others? Competition certainly isn't bad, and it's definitely brought out the best of me these past few years, in all aspects of my life, but there comes a time when I just want to shed all of that and truly be happy with my own identity.

I think that time is now. I've come to accept that there will always be people out there who are better than me, whether it's at soccer (okay I realized that a long time ago), sports in general, music, writing, studying, or any combination of the above. There are unbelievable people out there, and it's hard to have faith in your own worth and talents. So how do you differ from 99% of the other people who aren't "the best." Passion and attitude. Those two things alone, I believe, greatly define people from high school and on through life. Back to the tunnel scenario- academics and the gain of knowledge are represented by the tunnel itself and the tracks I was moving along on. But all the other things, the embellishments and the rainbow streaks and the lights- they represent the clubs I've joined, the sports I've played, and the music groups I was a part of- the whole rest of the high school experience that many people overlook. Those are the passions I've developed. Sure, I wasn't first chair in band all the time, but I loved playing music and I love playing duets with my brother or other people on various instruments. I might not get recruited for Division I soccer, but it's still my favorite sports and brings me immense satisfaction. So really, in the end, it doesn't matter how you compare to others in the world in terms of pure accomplishment or talent. Not many of us will reach a point where they can truly say they are the best at something (unless your name happens to be Usain Bolt, for example), so in the end it's how you view life that's important (quite the paradox, huh, you live life to discover how best to view life).

And that makes ALL the difference. For a lot of kids who were at the top of their class in high school, college comes as a shock because it's a whole new ball game. Because they built their whole identity on being the "best," their self-image crumbles when they meet all these amazing people just like them, if not better. For me, contrary to feeling self-conscious about that, I feel pumped and extremely lucky. I'm excited to meet all these incredible people in college, and hopefully I'll learn a lot from them and be inspired by their accomplishments. I've decided that when I finally get there, however, I won't feel pressured to compete with them. I'll simply forge my own identity by being honest and true to myself. And with that mindset, I feel pretty invincible. School's ending, but at the end must come a beginning- the beginning to to the rest of my life. The beginning to explore the passions I've discovered during high school. The beginning to do the things I want to pursue for my sake and no one else's. One of those things for me, for example, is travelling and seeing the world, like the guy in this video. (A friend of mine showed me this video the other day, and it totally made my day- I was grinning throughout the entire video)

So even if you're like me and haven't really found your identity, just keep on celebrating life and you'll get there. I hate the idea of "finding a niche," but I think it's a reality of the world. We can't do everything, or strive to be the best in everything, so choose the things that matter the most to you. In fact, I think it's harder to choose what NOT to do in your life. That's why I love writing in this blog- at least for now, I'm free to write about anything and everything that crosses my mind. Sure, all the blog experts insist that successful blogs only focus on one issue or one particular niche, but I haven't yet decided if I can do that to myself. The same goes for college- I haven't decided which path I want to take, but I trust that the choice will come to me eventually. When it comes, though, I'll embrace it as finding my own identity.

For me, especially, this whole thing goes along a lot with my faith, and giving up my life for God. Bible study, going to Saranac Village, and quiet reflection have lead me to the conclusion that faith in Jesus Christ is the best solution. He will lead me if I put my trust in Him, and glorifying and getting closer to Jesus becomes my purpose in life. Proverbs 3:5-6 continues to reassure me. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." And so I'm here, standing at the end of a tunnel, waiting for the light to come so I can see which path to take and how to trust my own identity.

Wedding Dress- Taeyang (DJ Changsta remix)

Remixes are good. I love the original, but this song got me through my homework today. (You know, when you don't feel like doing any work, so you find an inspiring song on your ipod, listen to it fifty times on repeat, start dancing through the house in front of your confused parents, bob your head and drum your fingers in the air, and feel a rush of energy that propels you through an entire english essay and all your calc and chinese homework?) Music is such a lifesaver sometimes.

Matching your own standards

At what point do things become more of a matter of self-expectation than expectation from others? It's a feeling that's hard to explain. Everyone keeps mentioning that "oh, it's your senior year, you're basically done and can slack off." But there's something inside of me that refuses to just let everything go. Of course, people with senioritis don't completely forgo work, but it's the mindset of "I don't care" that starts to influence their work. I got a test grade that was much lower than usual a few weeks ago and I felt myself grappling with a similar situation. A part of me wanted to blow it off, but another part of me was berating myself for the low grade. No matter where you might be throughout your senior year, it's never a good feeling to achieve less than what you know you can achieve.

I guess it's something hardwired into my brain. It was just that feeling of "darn, I could've done better" that stuck with me the rest of the day. I get it all the time when I miss easy questions or get points taken off for careless mistakes. So at that point, I was trying to differentiate between being apathetic and accepting it and moving on. I definitely understand the whole senioritis concept but I don't think my brain will ever let me be totally careless about all my schoolwork. Or any work, for that matter. I was in the library the other day volunteering and shelving books. I had a huge cart of children's picture books and was dutifully shelving them alphabetically (well what other way would you shelve them?) when I saw a bunch of books misplaced on a shelf. I could've just skipped over it, thinking that it wasn't my problem, as long as I did my part right. But I couldn't. There was that twinge of guilt, that prodding of my conscious, that even against my rationale and will, forced me to go back and rearrange all the picture books on the shelf so that it matched my internal standards. Orrrr it was just a hint of my OCD, but I guess I'll leave that up to you.

VERSE- brothers and sisters in Christ

Proverbs 17:17
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

There is nothing more important to the Lord than love. As teenagers, we witness and experience the lack of love every day. It seems as if sometimes, there is anything but love for one another. Inadvertently we turn to jealousy, anger, disrespect, and hate as small conflicts come up in our daily lives, often using profanity and vulgar humor instead of encouraging and loving words. There are many, many passages in the bible that talk about loving your neighbor as yourself. The hard part is not necessarily loving your friends and family, but the strangers you don't know and the "enemies" you don't get along well with as well.

I was blessed enough a few weeks ago to be able to go to Saranac Village for Fall Weekend, along with forty-ish other high schoolers from our local Young Life group. Thinking back on the whole experience, I realize the thing that made the trip so memorable was not all the fun things that we did, but the fact that I was able to spend a solid three days with a group of awesome people. I got closer to the people I didn't talk to much, I strengthened relationships I already had, and I talked and understood more about people that I saw on a daily basis but never had quality time to really share together. They were truly my friends, always loving and always supportive. The act of worshiping God together, as a group, bonded us in a way that I never want to lose. We spent so much time together doing everything, including eating and sleeping that for those precious few hours I could see us as a real family in Christ, not related by blood by through our common acceptance and belief in Jesus our Savior. I was always safe in their presence, as secure and comfortable as if I were living with my own family.

I saw this especially with the guys that we shared a cabin with. Aside from me, there were 9 other seniors, 3 great leaders, and 6 underclassmen that made it the best weekend of my life. When we came together at night we would talk and share our thoughts without fear of being judged. All of us knew that if we had something troubling us, we could talk to one another. All of us knew that if there came a need, we would support each other through thick and thin. Having that close, tight bond for the days we spent at Saranac was worth more than anything I could imagine. I'm beginning to understand a bit more about God's purpose in creating us. He wants us to be together, to worship and pray together. As humans we weren't made to exist alone, but to seek each other out and build relationships, relationships that are enhanced by our devotion to God.

Now that I'm back, I have a deep desire to go back to Saranac, to experience again the times I simply walked around or sat down and talked with my friends. "A brother is born for adversity," Proverbs 17:17 says. It's hard to transition back into my old life, but reassuring to remember that if anything comes up, I can lean on my brothers for help. I want to surround myself with people who will keep my accountable, who lift God up through their actions. They're not perfect people, certainly, just as I'm not perfect and no one on the planet is perfect. But having God's love in them is good enough. I may feel sad and lonely and detached from the people I spent an awesome Fall Weekend with as time distances us, but I can remember that we are still brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't remember the exact moment, but there was one time during club that I distinctly remember feeling especially emotional about it. We were sitting down and singing, and I just took that moment to look around me, at all the joyous faces and familiar voices... people I felt a deep and powerful connection to after sharing just a few days together. And I realized- these were the people I would be spending eternity with. These people were my family. I don't ever have to feel sad because I know in the end, I'll be able to sing and spend my days like I did at Saranac- with a family of people that I trust and love.

Happy Turkey Day 2011!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! I would first like to say that I'm thankful for so many things in my life. My friends and family of course, and my brother (who I'm spending break with), but also for chocolate, sleep, cool morning fresh air, a keyboard, refrigerators, clean clothes, good music, and the ability to take a hot shower. I'm so grateful to have a few days off dedicated to relaxing and doing nothing. It's the little things that make break so awesome- having an ice-cold mountain dew in my brother's fridge to drink at night, comfortable t-shirt and sweatpants to change into it, hanging around the lounge and being able to play Foosball and pool, Raisin Bran for breakfast, a warm bed to fall into and sleep any time of the day, and just time to spend with family. God is so amazing to impart these blessings to each and everyone of us. Though at times they may seem mundane and common, they are really the things to be cherished. Take a moment today to reflect and feel like the luckiest person alive- because you really are- and then enjoy the day and fall asleep eating some good turkey!

Dubstep- What Is It?

Whenever people ask me, "What the heck is dubstep?" I simply smile and shake my head. Without a word, I lead them to the closest computer and look up Skrillex or Nero or Mt Eden. If a computer's not available, I take out my ipod and hand them the headphones so they can experience the music for themselves. There's no other way to relate the experience. Any description I give them is useless. The definition I can think of for dubstep is "a genre of electronic music that makes heavy use of synthesizers, wobble bass, intense drum patterns, huge drops, keyboard, and unconventional sounds." But if you've never heard dubstep before, that doesn't really make sense- I might as well go with the above picture and say that dubstep sounds like armored tyrannosaurus rexes shooting laser beams through Cretaceous forests. Yeah. I encourage you to listen for yourself though- below are only two songs out of many. (When listening, keep staring at the picture above and comment on close you think it comes to capturing the music!)

It's a pretty jarring genre of music, but in a cool sort of way. It took me a while to get used to it, and even now I have specific preferences. There are a TON of artists and dubstep songs out there, so don't give up on the first few songs if you find them unappealing. Here's one of my recent favorites, a softer form of dubstep that ingeniously combines piano and dubstep.

WEEKLY CHALLENGE #10

Double digits in weekly challenges! Let me take this opportunity to recap- I came up with the idea of doing these "Weekly Challenges" a month or two ago as a way to interact more with you, the reader. I figured if you're taking the time to read my posts, you're 1) a pretty interesting person yourself, with good taste in pictures, music, or videos to have stumbled across my blog 2) a fellow blogger 3) one of the other billion teenagers in the world. Whatever the reason, I want YOU to suggest a blog topic for ME to write about! And I'm not just being lazy in thinking of what else to write (I have huge list of unwritten topics at the moment), I honestly want to hear from some of you people out there and the experiences you've had. The "challenge" part is just an additional question I throw out there to make it seem more worthwhile- if you send me a blog topic without an answer I'll still gladly write about it. (If it gets to the point where my blog becomes a universal sensation and everyone is swamping me with responses, THEN I'll use the trivia to sort out the responses I'll use. I think I'm safe for now though).

Anyways, I recently finished all my college applications so I have lots more time. I just came back from the best weekend of my life. I'm getting back into the swing of things and I'm excited to be back and writing.

WEEKLY CHALLENGE #10
I think it's really interesting how colleges across the nations have changed their applications from long essays to much shorter response limits. For me, there's good and bad in both. For long essays, you have to worry a lot about organization, theme, structure, and the sheer volume that you have to proofread. Shorter essays may seem easier at first glance, but quality and creativity become much more important: short, concise, to-the-point statements need to be balanced well with the imagery and anecdotes and literary techniques that can fill up a longer essay. I'm very satisfied with the college app supplements I sent out, but it was during all the reworking and chiseling and remodeling my responses that made me think how much effort and time goes into writing a short piece. The famous quote goes, "Je n'ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que je n'ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte," or translated, "I would not have made this so long except because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter." (I'm glad six-and-a-half years of French education was not wasted on me, thank you Madame Hession!)

-Who was the original speaker of the quote, "I would not have made this so long except because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter?" (written in a letter to a friend)
-Answer and suggest a blog topic in the comments below, or email me at tomilkyway4@yahoo.com!

The Greatest Weekend of My Life

People are always exaggerating in their speech- "That was the best cheeseburger ever!" "That was the best day of my life." "You saw that movie too? It was the best!" And so when I heard my friends from Young Life talk about going to the annual Fall Weekend camp and it being the best weekend of their lives, I always assumed it was just an exaggeration of speech. What could happen in two or three days that would really be life-changing and make it the BEST weekend of their lives? It must be just a really awesome, fun-filled trip, I thought.

Of course, until I went on it myself. It's one of those things you have to experience to believe. I literally just came home four hours ago from the Fall Weekend trip, having spent three nights at Saranac Village where the Young Life camp is located. The lake is right nearby and the cabins, though extremely nice, are dwarfed by the beauty of the trees and the rocks and the dirt paths and the Adirondack pine-infused air. I've been camping before a couple of times, but this was just different in all respects. There were about four to five hundred high schoolers at the camp, split between cabins and grouped by the areas they came from. At any given moment there was always something fun going on between the Game Room and the Club Room and the gym and the trails and the store and the hot-tub and the cabins and the lake, something exciting in the air emanating from all the high schoolers and their awesome leaders. Time was structured well- it wasn't a camping experience where the kids were just left there on their own for two or three days. It was a rotation between free time (which ranged from twenty minutes to an hour or two), meals, cabin time, crazy fun activities, and club- the congregation of everyone in the camp for passionate music and worship, hilarious skits, powerful messages/lessons, and all-around good fun to start things off. I don't want to spoil anything but it's beyond anything you can imagine (five contestants from the crowd were pied in the face within the first half hour of club Thursday night. And even then, though pieing makes everything better, it was tame in comparison to the things and competitions we had later on).

For club, we were all put into one enormous cabin, complete with a stage where things took place. I really gained a lot from the talks we listened to from Max, our speaker, who led us to the Bible and the Truth while telling us entertaining stories about his own life. The truth that was shared with us was that as humans, we're all people that are broken with sin. But as he talked throughout the days about Jesus healing people and saving them and giving them life from leprosy and fateful death, the execution of Jesus and his Resurrection, and his mission to give us life and forgiveness, I was able to get a better look at myself and my life.

My favorite talk was the one about chapter 5 in John. Near Jerusalem was a pool of water, where the blind, lame, and paralyzed are left hanging around and hoping that one day when the water stirs, they will be able to jump in first and be healed. With nothing left in their lives and no one to care for them, the disabled people there place all their hopes and lives into the pool, which in reality does nothing to heal them. Jesus comes in and doesn't even acknowledge the pool in the passage. He asks a man who had been lying there for 38 years, "Do you want to get well?" When the man responds yes, Jesus simply says "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk," and the man was healed. Max talked us through the story and related it to our lives as high schoolers, as adults, as humans in any point in our lives. Very often we place our hopes into these "pools," aspects of our life that we believe will give us satisfaction and healing when in reality they do not. For me, this would be music, sports, academics, relationships with others, and just about everything that a high schooler  deals with during their life. But like in the story, these "pools" do not heal us. They don't help us achieve God. They don't help us from our brokenness. Only our relationship with Jesus and his miraculous healing will give us what we need to live. That concept was hard to swallow.

Max had to explain that those things we do, schoolwork and extracurriculars and time with people, aren't necessarily bad. In fact, many of the things that we do are worthwhile and really great. But the important part was to understand the places they hold in our lives. These things shouldn't become our entire lives, the things we go to to feel good, the things we turn to for help and encouragement. They should come second to Jesus. And that really struck a chord within me. As a senior I had been stressing over applications and my future and which college I would get into. Hearing that message and story made me realize that if I place all my life and all my faith into Jesus, he'll take care of the rest. The other things that I do, the "pools" I sometimes dive into to seek fulfillment, really do nothing to help me without God. And Jesus, he's right there for me. In the story, Jesus walks up to the man and asks him if he wants to get well. Like that man, I want to get well. Before Fall Weekend I had been distracted- and I mean, horribly distracted, by just life in general. Soccer, college essays, fights with parents, whatever... everything but God seemed to find a way into my life. Having a few days to forget all of that, to have the most fun I've had in several years, and to be in the presence of such amazing people, was like a fresh breath of air. It was a relaxing break from life that I really needed. At one point I took a walk by myself through the trails to a spot where I could sit and look out into the lake, moved by an emotion within me to get away from everything and to find some quiet. Having time to be truly alone with God was a great blessing, and that time sitting on that rock was one of my highlights of the trip.

And the way I see it, everything about being at Sarance Village was a blessing. Some of it was pure fun for the purpose of having fun, but still important to clear my mind of all the junk I've had prior to the trip. It's also just a time to unwind, a few days of carefree-ness that I'm so grateful for now. And to top it off, I almost wasn't able to go to Fall Weekend. I had signed up late to a packed cabin and was one spot off from being able to make it. The day our area departed for camp, I was told that someone called in sick and that I would be able to take his place. I packed within the hour and was able to go meet up with everyone else.

And so it was just amazing. After a LOT of thought and consideration, during the night when I lay in my bunk, during the peaceful alone-time I had with myself in the woods, during the ride back, and during my first few hours back from the whole trip, I can honestly say that it's been the best weekend of my life. I can't remember any stretch of two to three days where I've had more fun. I can't remember any stretch of two to three days where I've had more meaningful conversation with my friends and leaders. I'm not saying that going to Fall Weekend with Young Life was life-changing, or that sitting on that rock looking out into the lake gave me a "lightning bolt to the head" experience, but that it was simply a good and pure time.

There's so much I would like to describe about the rest of the camp that I can't possibly hope to fit in. Meals were delicious, the kitchen staff really outdoing themselves in preparing us such a variety of great food. The Game Room was always a frenzy of foosball, Saranac Ball (an unconventional but addicting game played on a pool table), ping pong, and shuffle board. And of course, who can forget Deathack? That game deserves a post of its own. We played it until we dropped from exhaustion, then got up and played some more. It was awesome.

But all in all, I truly believe that the experience was as good as it was because of the PEOPLE that were there. I was in such good company throughout the trip that I can't even describe my feelings of gratitude and love for them. The guys in my cabin room, the eighteen other guys from my school, the leaders of our area Young Life... it was absolutely amazing being able to spend such quality time together. And everywhere I went, being with my brothers and sisters in Christ. It was such a comforting and secure atmosphere that I wish I could spend the rest of my life there, with those people.  I remember playing foosball with people I've never met before and chatting with random people in the trails. Everything felt close and connected because we were all there for the same purpose. I have to give credit to the leaders and directors of the camp as well. They made club fun and memorable. My two leaders were both parts of skits and performances, and watching them onstage was both exciting and inspiring. Getting to see my friend Irish step dance and cat daddy onstage was priceless. And of course, the 80's in the dance party we had was a million times better when I was grooving it out with my friends.

There are so many moments I want to cherish. Pieces of them fly out at me as I try to revisit the whole weekend in its entirety. Hot tub, water bending, shaving cream, cookie pieces, leprechauns, lobby, deathack, singing, four-chord song, sodypop, naptime, sunrise, zombie!, blow dart, moose moose moose, ewok, conch, single fist, 'Alec don't let go!', spartans... all of them shared with these awesome friends and leaders I got to bond with during an entire weekend. Being with the guys I roomed with even made things like car rides, sleeping, and eating fun. Good company makes anything infinitely better, I can tell you that. And as I look back, I realize something else. God clearly called and led me to Saranac this weekend, to have such an amazing and unforgettable experience. It was because of His company, and His company alone, that truly made these past few days the best weekend of my life.

Tossing Back a Starfish

It's so often that we look out into the world and feel dwarfed by the magnitude of the life and the seemingly insignificance of all our actions. I love this story because it reminds us not to lose faith in the small actions that we all go about every single day. We must never underestimate what a simple "thank you" or gesture can make in someone else's day. Did you hold the door open for a random stranger? Smile at someone who looked depressed or needed cheering up? Spent five minutes helping a friend with homework? Complimented someone for something you noticed about them that day? Or my favorite, offered someone a piece of gum? Yes, I was on the receiving end of that piece of gum the other day and I was just kind of taken by surprise. Usually it's always "that was my last piece!" or "I got this from someone else," but this person out of nowhere turned around, smiled, and offered me a piece of gum.

Usually it's the small things like that that really makes a person stand out to me. It doesn't even matter if they're conscious of doing it, they're making a difference with their attitude and actions. They may think it's insignificant, but it may mean the world to someone else. I actually want to go to a beach some time and spend some time picking up starfish and throwing them back, to know what it really feels like. I can only imagine the starfish would be pretty happy and look something like this:

Also check out this link, it's fun alteration of the same story and well-drawn. The last two boxes are awesome.

White Blank Page (literally)

The fear of staring out into the unknown... the trepidation of starting a fresh new journey... the dread of marking up a pure, clean sheet of paper. Go ahead, look up at that graphic of a white blank page above these words. Let it strike fear into your heart. Have the untarnished whiteness swallow up your whole consciousness. Let it envelope your senses and numb your resolve.

No, it's not a white blank page as in a song by Mumford & Sons. It's an everyday, ordinary, piece of paper that you might grab to start your Math homework or a lined piece of loose leaf you take out to finally write an intro for that English essay you need to do. Or maybe instead it's a new "Document 1" on Microsoft word, the cursor blinking expectantly at you as you think of what to say, or the empty space in the text message box in your phone as you think of how to apologize to your girlfriend.

But get this- it's not actually the page that holds so much weight, that makes it tower like Goliath before you, that freezes you with indecision, but the fear of writing on that page. Writers face this monster all the time. So do artists as they stare at a blank canvas. Or composers who hear melodies in their head but don't know how to transfer it to paper. The reality is that everyone has a seed of doubt in them. Somewhere beneath all the motivation and drive and will, there is an uncertainty that latches onto your mind and stops you from committing to whatever it is you want to accomplish. People are afraid of imperfection, of creating something that is below their level of ability, of failing. They are afraid of the things that could go wrong, the things that won't live up to their perceived ideals. The fear of falling short of expectations is what really makes people hesitate.

It took me a while to get back to posting in this blog. Sure, I could use the excuse that I've been busy with school and sports, but there's not one hundred percent true. There were definitely times I had time but was afraid of taking the chance or afraid of risking the expectations that you, the reader, as well as myself, place on every character that I type here. But it doesn't just apply to writing. Athletes have to learn to pass over this moment of indecision. Freeze for a moment in a game and you're dead. My soccer coaches have told me again and again to not to be afraid of shooting because I might miss. "You'll miss 100% of the shots you never take," the saying goes.

But it never disappears. Every time I see a white, blank page I'm brought back to the brink. It's a moment of fear you have to conquer. Remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect. After all, I still think a page marked up with mistakes, failures, and sub-par material is ultimately more interesting than just a empty blank page.