VERSE- brothers and sisters in Christ

Proverbs 17:17
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

There is nothing more important to the Lord than love. As teenagers, we witness and experience the lack of love every day. It seems as if sometimes, there is anything but love for one another. Inadvertently we turn to jealousy, anger, disrespect, and hate as small conflicts come up in our daily lives, often using profanity and vulgar humor instead of encouraging and loving words. There are many, many passages in the bible that talk about loving your neighbor as yourself. The hard part is not necessarily loving your friends and family, but the strangers you don't know and the "enemies" you don't get along well with as well.

I was blessed enough a few weeks ago to be able to go to Saranac Village for Fall Weekend, along with forty-ish other high schoolers from our local Young Life group. Thinking back on the whole experience, I realize the thing that made the trip so memorable was not all the fun things that we did, but the fact that I was able to spend a solid three days with a group of awesome people. I got closer to the people I didn't talk to much, I strengthened relationships I already had, and I talked and understood more about people that I saw on a daily basis but never had quality time to really share together. They were truly my friends, always loving and always supportive. The act of worshiping God together, as a group, bonded us in a way that I never want to lose. We spent so much time together doing everything, including eating and sleeping that for those precious few hours I could see us as a real family in Christ, not related by blood by through our common acceptance and belief in Jesus our Savior. I was always safe in their presence, as secure and comfortable as if I were living with my own family.

I saw this especially with the guys that we shared a cabin with. Aside from me, there were 9 other seniors, 3 great leaders, and 6 underclassmen that made it the best weekend of my life. When we came together at night we would talk and share our thoughts without fear of being judged. All of us knew that if we had something troubling us, we could talk to one another. All of us knew that if there came a need, we would support each other through thick and thin. Having that close, tight bond for the days we spent at Saranac was worth more than anything I could imagine. I'm beginning to understand a bit more about God's purpose in creating us. He wants us to be together, to worship and pray together. As humans we weren't made to exist alone, but to seek each other out and build relationships, relationships that are enhanced by our devotion to God.

Now that I'm back, I have a deep desire to go back to Saranac, to experience again the times I simply walked around or sat down and talked with my friends. "A brother is born for adversity," Proverbs 17:17 says. It's hard to transition back into my old life, but reassuring to remember that if anything comes up, I can lean on my brothers for help. I want to surround myself with people who will keep my accountable, who lift God up through their actions. They're not perfect people, certainly, just as I'm not perfect and no one on the planet is perfect. But having God's love in them is good enough. I may feel sad and lonely and detached from the people I spent an awesome Fall Weekend with as time distances us, but I can remember that we are still brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't remember the exact moment, but there was one time during club that I distinctly remember feeling especially emotional about it. We were sitting down and singing, and I just took that moment to look around me, at all the joyous faces and familiar voices... people I felt a deep and powerful connection to after sharing just a few days together. And I realized- these were the people I would be spending eternity with. These people were my family. I don't ever have to feel sad because I know in the end, I'll be able to sing and spend my days like I did at Saranac- with a family of people that I trust and love.

Admiration vs. Jealousy

Isn't it funny how certain qualities have only a fine line distinguishing them from another quality? Take confidence vs cockiness, for example. What comes across as confidence to one person might seem like overconfidence and arrogance to someone else. A person who does not know them personally might have a hard time deciding which it really is, confidence or cockiness. The same holds true for ingenuity vs insanity... what might come across as an act of madness at the time might later be revealed to be an act of brilliance. Inventors, trend-setters, and scientists often have to deal with this initial misunderstanding.

There are plenty of others...  I can think of independence vs alienation and courageous vs reckless right now. Or how about admiration vs jealousy? That's something I find that as teens we may deal with a lot, whether we're conscious of it or not. There's a lot of competition in a typical high school student's life. Grades, for one, are always a source of contest. "Hey, what did so-and-so get on that last math test? 87? *fist pump* I got two points higher!" Or SATs and standardized tests, for example. And that's just academics. Competition gets fierce when it comes to high school sports or even music ensembles, where not everyone can participate so some sort of selection process is required. Sport try-outs can sometimes be difficult when it comes to making the cut for the team and then seeing who gets the most playing time. I'm lucky to go to a high school where our sports teams are really team-spirited and encouraging rather than cut-throat when it comes to practices and games, but I'm sure this is not the case in other schools.

The same goes for musical ensembles and auditioning for chair seating, auditions for a school musical or drama production, and even club competitions. All of these are opportunities for a student to compare himself or herself to all the others. And when one student rises above the rest, does that inspire admiration or jealousy? I find it difficult to gauge my own reaction sometimes... on one hand, I have admiration and respect for anyone that can achieve such success. But if that person is someone I know as a friend, sometimes the feeling of "why not me" (in other words, jealousy) masks the admiration and turns my feelings into resentment.
This is especially hard for friends in a competitive setting, where both are trying out for a team or auditioning for a part in a play. One makes it to the top, the other falls. What's the result?

It's so hard to be able to say "I'm happy for you" honestly. Disappointment often gets in the way of true and selfless joy for a friend. The line between admiration (even if reluctant) and jealousy is important to distinguish in order to better understand your own emotions. Jealousy has negative connotations and usually feels bad and self-destructive, whereas learning to admire and respect a friend (or stranger) for what they do is much more inspiring and positive.

Scrabble

I like board games and card games a lot. When you play them with the right people, they can be exciting, gripping, interesting, relaxing, engaging.... sometimes a lot more so than playing Mario Kart on the Wii or some other form of video game.

And there are a lot of types of board and card games, ranging from the very strategic to the ones that rely on dumb luck (which can still be very fun!). It's interesting to think about each board or card game as having different characteristics. They offer different experiences when you play them. Sorry! is the game of revenge, Risk is the game of world domination, Life is the game of, well, life, and Monopoly is just the game that never ends. And Scrabble? That's a game I feel that people either really like or really dislike. I last played it about two weeks ago if I remember correctly, with my cousins, and it was an interesting time.

It's weird because you're competing for points, but you also have to somewhat work together to keep the board alive. By keeping the board alive I mean building off free spots with longer words, not using 3 letter words that turn them into dead ends. (If you've played Scrabble before you should know what I'm talking about.) And from my personal experiences, I think Scrabble should be named the game of anticipation. Because it's turn based, you have a lot of free time to plan and plot, trying to turn that jumble of letters on your rack into a brilliant word. Sometimes you have to react to others who take the spot on the board you were about to use.

But there's nothing quite like that feeling of finally discovering the perfect place to land all your letters, the move that will score 30 points or more. And just hoping, praying that no one takes that Triple Letter square you're eyeing or the Double Word square on the side. You have your move set, and you casually glance over at the person whose turn it is to see where on the board they're looking. Your heart pumps as they reach for their tiles, breathing a sigh of relief when they play somewhere else on the board to scrounge 12 points. And all the while, you're just anticipating that awesome move, waiting to see the look on the other players' faces when you cash in 48 points. But you have to wait. And just hope no one takes your move.

What are some of your favorite board games?

Learning to Say No

There are a lot of little things in our daily lives that we could easily do without. Sometimes it's just a matter of learning how to say no. If you're anything like me, I try to please everyone around me. So much so that sometimes I forget to think about myself and my own responsibilities. If someone asks me a favor, I would likely drop whatever I'm doing to help them (or at least finish what I'm doing and then help them as soon as possible). If someone chats me on Facebook, I don't have the heart to tell them I was just about to log off, and so I keep up the conversation, using the same amount of energy to keep up the conversation as if they had chatted me when I had an hour of free time. "Hey, what's up? Good to see you too! I know, lol... *insert comments about random things that come to mind to keep the conversation flowing*"

So yeah. Learning to say no to certain things can be really helpful. And I'm not talking about saying no to drugs or the thing we learned in D.A.R.E. to say no to peer pressure (though seriously, say NO to drugs!! =].) It's smaller than that, and I find it's mostly self-pressure. For me, it's the pressure that if I say no, someone will be hurt or think less of me. But in actuality, that's not true at all. "Hey, do you want to go see a movie at noon today?" If I were faced with that from a friend and I ended up saying no, that friend might be a little bit disappointed, but they would probably still end up having a great time with some other friends. Same thing with the friend chatting with me on Facebook. If only I could say something like "Oops, I'm really sorry *name*, but I was about to log off. Catch you some other time?" then it would all be fine. I could get to doing what's important to me, and the friend will soon forget that tiny bit of rudeness.

I guess it's hardest to say no to your friends. (I was about to say that it is actually hardest to say no to yourself. But then I realized that's just self-control, which is a whole other topic =P) While sometimes saying no to your siblings lead to squabbles and conflicts, chances are they've lived around you enough to understand the reasons behind you saying no. With friends, they are mostly left guessing whether you said no because you don't want to talk to them, or if you really have something more urgent to do. So be a good friend and learn to say no, but explain why- are you really short on time? Money? Or you do you just need a break to be alone for a bit? I find the really good friends will respect that and like you more for it.

Thank goodness for friends

I don't think I would have made it this far in my life without my friends, let alone be alive... but seriously, I'm lucky to have so many good, loving people by my side. Have you ever been so down that nothing you did or tried would cheer yourself up? Your parents would ask you what's wrong, your siblings may have made a half-hearted attempt to say something, your favorite song doesn't re-energize you.... so what do you do? You pick up your phone, of course. Or go onto Skype or Facebook. Chances are you'll have that one friend who knows exactly how to pick you back up. And sometimes they do it without even realizing it. Just their inherent characteristics or speech patterns or corny repetitive jokes are enough to make you smile again.

I'm lucky to live three houses away from one of my friends. And I don't know what it was about today, but I was dead tired. Feeling lazy. So down in the dumps it couldn't have been smellier (okay, that was a weird sentence but I'll let it slide). I called my friend up to go on a run because if you're like me, you have zero chance of being motivated to run on your own. I once tried that... I brought out a soccer ball to juggle, thinking I'd go on a run after 5 minutes of warm-up. I never made it out of my driveway. Anyways, I almost cancelled it this time. I was in bed, half asleep, feeling horrible, but I made myself get up because my friend was expecting me.

I literally was still trying to open my eyes when I walked up to his house. But then he came out of his garage, with his short red-brown hair longer and lying flatter than usual. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks but it was great seeing him. Oh how those gingers can cheer one up xD We went on our run and I wanted to turn back during the first hundred steps, but after that I started to feel better, forgetting my lack of fitness while we chatted.

I finished the run with so much more energy than I started. My legs were a bit sore, but I was wide awake. A good friend can do that to do. Just being with them makes you feel better and more alive. Now, if only I could call a friend over every time I didn't feel like doing my homework...

Almost losing a friend... the numbing sorrow

There are midsummer nights, and then there are nights of utter immoblization. 

I experienced one the other day after receiving a phone call from a very dear friend, realizing that everything between us could be over. I ended the call and just stared out the porch window, watching the trees in my backyard, the red sparrow that flew across my line of sight, the rippling grass, the clouds. And just not… appreciating any of it. My heart rate was steady and I was taking measured breaths, but my mind was struggling over the consequences of what had just happened. It was a moment of dread, fear, regret, and all those other emotions that come with misunderstanding and conflict: emotions we’ve all experienced before. 

My mind was just processing everything that had happened, and for a few minutes as I was sitting there, I felt numb to the rest of the world. Ever get that feeling where nothing else in the world matters for a few seconds and you’re just… thinking? And then struggling to get back into your daily life, to get your mind off things, to get back to whatever you were doing before that phone call, but just can’t?

I guess life needs both joy and sorrow. If your life was a movie, something like “How to Save a Life” by the Fray would be playing in the background. Life isn’t perfect, but sometimes that pain and sadness is hard to overcome in just one night.