White Blank Page (literally)

The fear of staring out into the unknown... the trepidation of starting a fresh new journey... the dread of marking up a pure, clean sheet of paper. Go ahead, look up at that graphic of a white blank page above these words. Let it strike fear into your heart. Have the untarnished whiteness swallow up your whole consciousness. Let it envelope your senses and numb your resolve.

No, it's not a white blank page as in a song by Mumford & Sons. It's an everyday, ordinary, piece of paper that you might grab to start your Math homework or a lined piece of loose leaf you take out to finally write an intro for that English essay you need to do. Or maybe instead it's a new "Document 1" on Microsoft word, the cursor blinking expectantly at you as you think of what to say, or the empty space in the text message box in your phone as you think of how to apologize to your girlfriend.

But get this- it's not actually the page that holds so much weight, that makes it tower like Goliath before you, that freezes you with indecision, but the fear of writing on that page. Writers face this monster all the time. So do artists as they stare at a blank canvas. Or composers who hear melodies in their head but don't know how to transfer it to paper. The reality is that everyone has a seed of doubt in them. Somewhere beneath all the motivation and drive and will, there is an uncertainty that latches onto your mind and stops you from committing to whatever it is you want to accomplish. People are afraid of imperfection, of creating something that is below their level of ability, of failing. They are afraid of the things that could go wrong, the things that won't live up to their perceived ideals. The fear of falling short of expectations is what really makes people hesitate.

It took me a while to get back to posting in this blog. Sure, I could use the excuse that I've been busy with school and sports, but there's not one hundred percent true. There were definitely times I had time but was afraid of taking the chance or afraid of risking the expectations that you, the reader, as well as myself, place on every character that I type here. But it doesn't just apply to writing. Athletes have to learn to pass over this moment of indecision. Freeze for a moment in a game and you're dead. My soccer coaches have told me again and again to not to be afraid of shooting because I might miss. "You'll miss 100% of the shots you never take," the saying goes.

But it never disappears. Every time I see a white, blank page I'm brought back to the brink. It's a moment of fear you have to conquer. Remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect. After all, I still think a page marked up with mistakes, failures, and sub-par material is ultimately more interesting than just a empty blank page.

Jump on inspiration

Ever had a really good idea? Like, a really, really good one? Don't wait- make sure you jump on the opportunity right away. Write down the idea so you won't forget. Articulate it as clearly as you can, record your feelings and thoughts about it, jot down as many details as you can.

Because with each passing moment that you wait, you risk losing some of that revelation that you had, the connection that two precious neurons in your mind suddenly and inexorably made. You lose a bit of that invigorating energy that's driving you, the excitement behind the idea and your will to make it happen. Writers know the feeling- when inspiration strikes, they drop everything, and I mean everything, and scramble to grab whatever writable materials there are around them- napkins, flyers, business cards, newspapers, whatever. I know I'm a forgetful person, so writing down ideas right when I think of them like that is especially important, even if it's just a matter of 5 minutes. It makes all the difference to me.

A great idea strikes. Don't wait. Flesh it out on paper. Then hurry to make it a reality.

Insomnia at its best

Isn't it weird that sometimes your best work or inspiration comes in the middle of the night when all you should be thinking about is sleep? That's happened to me a few times, whether it's because I can't fall asleep or because  my brain is randomly firing off idea impulses that I decide I have to act on or it will be forever lost. If you can't tell, this is one of them.

Maybe it's something soothing about the silence that floods the house after everyone else has gone to bed, when it's just you and your computer screen for company. And of course, your wandering thoughts. They seem to flicker through your mind as much as the backlight on your computer is flickering through your exhausted retinas.

Or maybe it's just that inspiration strikes only when you are thoroughly tired out, blanked with fatigue. Your body begins to run on the next source of energy: a fuel I call intellectual chaos. It does wonders to revive the soul and for a moment you might wonder if you are actually insane. But sleep is not the answer. You need to spend that energy in one form or another. Writing, ranting, blogging, painting, exercising, calling a friend and crying to them over the phone, all good outlets for this sort of explosive energy. Ride the momentum and make something happen. You never know when it will happen again.