White Blank Page (literally)

The fear of staring out into the unknown... the trepidation of starting a fresh new journey... the dread of marking up a pure, clean sheet of paper. Go ahead, look up at that graphic of a white blank page above these words. Let it strike fear into your heart. Have the untarnished whiteness swallow up your whole consciousness. Let it envelope your senses and numb your resolve.

No, it's not a white blank page as in a song by Mumford & Sons. It's an everyday, ordinary, piece of paper that you might grab to start your Math homework or a lined piece of loose leaf you take out to finally write an intro for that English essay you need to do. Or maybe instead it's a new "Document 1" on Microsoft word, the cursor blinking expectantly at you as you think of what to say, or the empty space in the text message box in your phone as you think of how to apologize to your girlfriend.

But get this- it's not actually the page that holds so much weight, that makes it tower like Goliath before you, that freezes you with indecision, but the fear of writing on that page. Writers face this monster all the time. So do artists as they stare at a blank canvas. Or composers who hear melodies in their head but don't know how to transfer it to paper. The reality is that everyone has a seed of doubt in them. Somewhere beneath all the motivation and drive and will, there is an uncertainty that latches onto your mind and stops you from committing to whatever it is you want to accomplish. People are afraid of imperfection, of creating something that is below their level of ability, of failing. They are afraid of the things that could go wrong, the things that won't live up to their perceived ideals. The fear of falling short of expectations is what really makes people hesitate.

It took me a while to get back to posting in this blog. Sure, I could use the excuse that I've been busy with school and sports, but there's not one hundred percent true. There were definitely times I had time but was afraid of taking the chance or afraid of risking the expectations that you, the reader, as well as myself, place on every character that I type here. But it doesn't just apply to writing. Athletes have to learn to pass over this moment of indecision. Freeze for a moment in a game and you're dead. My soccer coaches have told me again and again to not to be afraid of shooting because I might miss. "You'll miss 100% of the shots you never take," the saying goes.

But it never disappears. Every time I see a white, blank page I'm brought back to the brink. It's a moment of fear you have to conquer. Remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect. After all, I still think a page marked up with mistakes, failures, and sub-par material is ultimately more interesting than just a empty blank page.

Movies with the family

A lot of times, it's the people you see a movie with that makes it so memorable. Good company can make a movie infinitely better, no matter how dull or lame the movie was to begin with.

This past vacation I was on with my relatives in California has given me so many good memories. I watched 5 movies- Despicable Me, UP, Winnie the Pooh, How to Train Your Dragon, and The Notebook. All of them were good. All of them were with family, which made it even better. (And for the record, Winnie the Pooh was surprisingly good. I was cracking up at some points during the movie and I had forgotten how warming childhood stories can still be. I recommend going, even if you are without a younger child or sibling to use as an "excuse" to go).


But anyways, out of the 5 movies, How to Train Your Dragon was the best. I mean, I had already loved it before, but this time we were watching it with the entire family. My younger cousins were sitting on the couch or laying on the floor. The cousins around my age were sitting in the seats by the side. Even my uncle was stretched out on a side couch and my aunt was watching from the back. At the times I was finally able to tear my eyes away from the screen, I would glance around the room and just feel totally at peace, relaxed and so happy to be able to share a movie with everyone. Laughing together, making funny remarks together, tearing at the eys together.... okay maybe that was just me. But still, it was an awesome experience. Even my six-and-a-half-year-old cousin was watching with wide eyes and laughing at the good parts.

I'm going to miss all of them so much. A good family movie is just that much more memorable than anything else.